My sister in law took me down memory lane a few weeks ago with the posting of her old photographs.I don’t remember where many of them were taken, let alone when. However, what I did notice was how I looked in those photo’s. Initially I laughed at the outfits I wore. How cool I thought I was and had it all together. Next, I was drawn to the eyes in one the photo’s. I felt an immediate disconnect with the person staring back. That person was me. A woman I barely recognized. I was amazed at how much I had changed. Emptiness echoed from the deep recesses of those two hollow pupils. No sign of connection. As a young woman, I had silently wished life was different. Unaware that the mask I wore showed my despair as loudly as I tried to keep it quiet.
The dictionary describes life as: the quality that distinguishes a vital and functional being from a dead body. Functional was the only criteria I met at that point in time. I would have to say the degree to which I was functioning was less than desired, but I also had nothing to compare it to. Vitality was missing. I was void of spirit and simply existing day to day. Wondering why life played out like it did for me wasn’t something I thought of consciously, although I asked the question and most often at a time when I was faced with a crisis of sorts. Isn’t that when we pose the question the most? Lacking a religious upbringing, yet feeling there was something more, I even made promises to a GOD I didn’t know whether or not I believed existed. Back then I did ask the proverbial question WHY ME? Nobody ever answered back.
Fast forward a couple decades and finally someone did listen and that someone was me. I needed to fall flat on my face. However I did get up. I created boundaries, changed how I viewed life and figured out how to live it differently. Once I became comfortable in my own skin, I made a shift. I stopped asking why. It was a waste of energy on things that didn’t matter or serve my higher purpose. Come closer and look in my eyes now. Can you see that they twinkle with vitality, energy and a connection that grows and evolves daily.
Have you connected with yourself lately?